


Whatever

by imbreakingdown



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, One Shot, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-04 00:52:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13353048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbreakingdown/pseuds/imbreakingdown
Summary: It's a month after the Connor Incident, and Evan has finally gathered the courage to apologize to Jared.





	Whatever

Evan paced beside the back exit of the school, doing his best to keep from biting his nails. His therapist had told him habits weren't broken in a day, he needed to let himself progress over time, he needed to remember he was just as valuable as anybody else, but still, it was infuriating how slow things were going. It had been almost a month since what he had dubbed “the Connor Incident,” and very little had gotten better. To be fair, though, nothing had really gotten worse. He didn’t know why the Murphys had kept his secret, but he was eternally grateful for it.

Evan checked his phone. _3:06._ Had he gotten the time wrong? Had he mixed up the location? Had Jared decided not to come? Did Evan even deserve for Jared to come?

Evan closed his eyes and focused on his breath, like his therapist had told him to. _In...and out...in...and out…._

“Did you bring me here to do yoga?” A familiar voice broke through Evan’s thoughts. His eyes snapped open and settled on Jared Kleinman, standing cross-armed before him. “‘Cause that won’t help,” Jared continued. “My aunt’s a yoga instructor and she’s literally the most irritating fucking person in the entire world, so—”

“I’m sorry,” Evan blurted.

Jared narrowed his eyes, a little impressed and more than a little surprised that Evan had actually gained the courage to interrupt, but not in the least willing to acknowledge it. “You say that a lot, buddy, you’ll have to be more specific.” Evan had never heard the word “buddy” said with so much aggression.

“I...I know,” Evan said. “I just...you know, um...what I did, with the Connor Project, and, um, getting mad at you—”

“Whatever, man,” Jared scowled. “I’m over it.” He didn’t mention the fifteen minutes he had spent in the third floor boy’s bathroom drying his tears after the incident. “Now, if that’s all you had to say, I need to go hang out with my real friends—”

“I told them.”

Jared stared at him. “You what?”

Evan wiped his palms on his pants, wishing he was anywhere but here but knowing that this was where he needed to be. “The Murphys. I told them. A-about Connor.”

Jared blinked. “No shit.”

Evan nodded, looking down. “I was...I just, I mean...they were in so much pain—I did that, I caused them so much pain—I caused _you_ so much pain—”

Jared scoffed. “Don’t be gay, man. You didn’t ‘cause me pain.’ I was just pissed because you were being a jackass. It’s...whatever.”

“I excluded you,” murmured Evan. “And then I yelled at you. That….I shouldn’t have—it feels bad. Being rejected. I shouldn’t have done that.”  


Jared stared at the space beside Evan’s head, screaming internally at his eyes to stay dry. For a guy so utterly hopeless in social situations, Evan knew how to read other people pretty well. The irony wasn’t lost on Jared—it sort of reminded him of The Who’s _Tommy_ —except Evan wasn’t using his “gift” to play pinball. He was trying to get Jared to open up. And goddammit, it was almost working. 

Evan, on the other hand, was focused on Jared’s chin. He had found if you looked at people’s chins, they understood you were talking to them without you having to make eye contact. But Jared had been quiet for so long. The silence was agonizing. When Evan had practiced this apology in the mirror, he had imagined Jared yelling at him, telling him to fuck off or stop being an asshole— _something._ But the silence was so much worse.

Finally, Jared said, “How do I know you’re not just crawling back to me because you have no other friends?”

Evan’s brow furrowed slightly. “‘ _Other_ friends?’ I thought we were just family friends.”

Jared opened his mouth. Then he closed it again. Then he shook his head and muttered, “Son of a bitch.”

“I’m sorry,” said Evan. “I just meant—”

“Whatever,” said Jared, for the third time.

Evan raised his gaze slightly, focused now at Jared’s now. “I just want you not to hate me.” 

“I don’t hate you, Evan,” Jared said brusquely. “I never hated you.” He pushed up his glasses with more force than was necessary. “Okay? Are you happy now?”

“What can I do to make you not mad at me?” Evan pleaded. He didn’t know why he wanted Jared’s forgiveness so bad. No, that wasn’t true—he knew perfectly well. He had done to Jared and Alana what so many others had done to him: used them, ignored their feelings, and left them hanging. He wasn’t looking for Jared’s forgiveness for his own conscious; at least, not only for that. He wanted—no, he _needed_ Jared to keep going. Like Evan couldn’t that day in the tree. He needed Jared to be stronger than Evan had been so that Jared could be happy. And so that Evan could do the same. 

Jared glanced away, developing a sudden interest in his shoes. “I….” He didn’t have a crush on Evan anymore. That had come and gone. But that didn’t make the blushing and the awkwardness go away. “God, man, why are you so serious?” he said at last, unsure how else to diffuse the discomfort. “You’re getting, like, _Les Mis_ levels of depressing.”

Evan bit his fingernail. “I’m sorry, I don’t know _Les Mis._ ”

Jared almost laughed. “Look, I...appreciate the sentiment, I guess. I still don’t see why you couldn’t have just texted me—I could’ve gone home and played some video games, you could have gone home and jerked off—win-win. But...yeah. Thanks for the apology, or whatever.” Seeing Evan’s expression grow hopeful, he added, “I still don’t forgive you.” 

Evan’s face fell, but he nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

Jared bit his lip. “But...maybe...I dunno. Maybe one day I will.”

Evan looked up. For the first time, he and Jared met each other’s eyes. “Thank you,” Evan said.

“Yeah,” Jared said. “Whatever.”


End file.
